Some time ago, the writer of some magazine article that I've since forgotten quoted Slash and discussed a principle that I immediately loved and have tried to keep in mind ever since. That principle was that if you wanted to make your dream job a reality, you should treat your passion as if it was already your job, no matter what it is. 

For him this meant playing guitar for at least 8 hours a day.

For me it means: if you want to be a writer, write for 8 hours a day. If you want to be a professor, read literature and literary theory for at least 8 hours a day.

Reading Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography only added to that advice. Seeing the way he divides his day into 8-hour increments and admiring the way he breaks down his day, I was only further convinced that committing 8 hours a day was the way to go.

While filling out my applications, though, I've realized that I have lost that principle once again. I find myself thinking about books as if I've already read them and writing Statements of Purpose as though I'm compiling a list of all the things I want to do while simultaneously failing to begin doing them. How can I expect to survive as a graduate student if I barely read anymore? I will undoubtedly get overwhelmed with the sheer amount of reading required and freeze with anxiety if I don't start getting back into it sooner rather than later.

This is exactly the type of behavior that gets me into trouble. I get ahead of myself. I need to take it one step at a time and start treating this as if it's my job, which means at least 8 hours of reading books and writing about them without constant television, video game, and text message interruptions.

A lot of literature I've read about my disorder, and a lot of my sessions with my therapist have led back to the fact that structure and routine is something that I will always struggle with. No matter how many to-do lists I make, whether digital or written, no matter how many calendars I keep, no matter how much I tell myself I need to do something, I always end up forgetting about it and doing whatever I feel like doing. However, in order to take control of my moods and my days overall, I need to implement some sort of routine. Letting my mood dictate my entire life is not going to lead to any kind of accomplishment at all. 

Self-discipline is a part of the balancing act that I don't think I will ever perfect, but it's crucial that it's something that I become more aware of and work harder toward maintaining.