The "Too Much/Too Many" Tragedy

I've rarely/never been able to carry a single project through to its end without starting something else in the meantime. Case in point: I wrote a post on my newer blog already today (www.nicolenaiad.com) which inspired me to come and write a post over here on this one about this very topic. How very "meta."

I'm not quite sure what's behind this characteristic of mine, but it's rather infuriating. I have so many different e-mail accounts, blogs, paper journals, books, etc. started that I always feel like I'm in a state of panic. For the most part, I created them all as distinct entities for one purpose or another. For example, I have my school e-mail addresses, I have one that I used specifically for music contacts, one just because I liked the name and wanted something more anonymous and personal, and many, many more for absolutely no reason. 

It's like I have to have at least one account on each provider just for the sake of it. 

Blogs, however, have a purpose. I created this one as kind of a catch-all, but I have tens more strewn all over the internet that I really would like to condense somehow. Maybe I could link them all on my newer blog, the main one. I don't know why I've always felt the need to create anew rather than continue with the existing ones. It probably has something to do with the fact that it's easier to start from scratch than to go back and edit something, especially when there are so many considerations to account for.

I also have the same problem with apps. I think I have every single "to-do" and "calendar" app that exists on the iOS platform. None of which I utilize (but I'm going to go do that now that I just remembered). 

I need to create habits. My brain is always in a million different places, it's never linear. I complain about this a lot. In fact, it's probably my most consistent topic in all of my journals. 

And whenever I complain about it, I remember that I want to do something about it so I start to do something ... and that lasts for maybe a day or two and then I forget and get lost again.

So here's to that cycle.

Recording depression as it happens.

BEFORE I BEGIN THIS POST I WANT TO MAKE ONE THING CLEAR: This is me reaching out. This is me being straight-forward and clear about something I have never learned to do and I need help. I need a support system, which is something I've never been able to cultivate on my own. I need people who will stick by me through bad and good - who will tell me when I'm an asshat and when I'm doing things well.

I want to learn to be a better person and a better friend and I can't do that if I keep scaring people away with my episodes, which is exactly what keeps happening. This takes complete dedication on the part of the friend, and I know it's a lot to ask, but I think every human being is worth a shot. I'm working hard on my end and all I ask is to have a few people that will come along for the ride with me.

This post was inspired by my reaching out to a friend for support during a time of need. I know I need to learn to be more considerate and express that need more clearly, but what it led to is the loss of interest for friendship on all parties. So let's start at the beginning.